"Love Your Enemies" by Arthur C. Brooks

The problem in America today isn’t division. It's contempt.

This is the kind of book that people of both political parties will read and think, “Boy, those nut jobs across the aisle really should read this and take it to heart.” It’s very easy to think Brooks is writing to the people we disagree with most. In fact, he’s writing to all of us.

The premise of the book is this: Contempt is addictive. And social media and cable TV comprise what is essentially an industrial contempt complex that feeds our addiction. We love the feeling of being right and smart, and we’re justified by viewing those who disagree with us as idiots, barely worthy of response or acknowledgment. It’s true – I feel like this about every time I turn on the news or scroll through X.

Contempt warps our worldview and teaches us that opposing opinions are not only wrong, but stupid and evil. It fuels rage and leads us to demonize and dehumanize others. Contempt teaches us that the goal is not to help fellow Americans but to destroy “the other side.” More to the point, “Contempt is the sulfuric acid of love.”

Contempt breeds mediocrity because people with good ideas might fear judgement and either be too afraid to bring new thoughts to the forefront, or they become resentful and think, “Why should I bother? My ideas will just get ridiculed and shot down.”

Gerrymandering is fueled by our love for contempt. By wresting power from other political parties, gerrymandering leads to politicians only reach out to a homogenous ideology. They no longer have to cross political lines to negotiate, compromise, or even understand. And that builds even greater contempt for anyone outside their ideological bubble.

The politics of contempt does not affect the rich and powerful, but those in the middle and lower classes, who are incentivized to fuel disdain for anyone who thinks differently. Contempt creates gaps in dignity.

Brooks (a center-right think tank academic) points out how contempt is fueled by both Republican and Democratic parties. No surprise, it’s easy to see the contemptuous nature of “others” while remaining blind to the manipulations of our own leaders and news outlets.

The good news about Love Your Enemies is that most of the book is offering solutions, not griping. I appreciate that Brooks spends time demonstrating how we make more progress when our arguments are based in our shared values of compassion and fairness.

Take debates around the 2^nd Amendment, for example. Most arguments are so polarized they’re twisted into “Democrats want to take away all our guns,” and “Republicans love guns more than kids.” Neither argument is going to sway anyone. Ever. But if we step away from warped polarizations and look through lenses of compassion and fairness, most Americans will at least agree, “It’s not fair that kids don’t feel safe,” and, “It’s not fair to disarm people who feel vulnerable.” That’s not a solution, and it’s not the end of the debate. But it does nurture humanized understanding, and strikes a blow against contempt – far more important than striking a blow against “them,” whoever “they” are. Citing Simon Sinek’s Start With Why, Brooks says we can make more progress by saying, “I may not share your ‘what.’ But we both agree with the ‘why.’”

Unless we sincerely want a one-party government like North Korea and China, we need to recognize our unspoken gratitude for the opposing party. Competition thrives through excellence. No one wants their favorite team to win the Super Bowl by beat a team whose top players are all on the injured list. Competition and cooperation, therefore, work hand-in-hand. And unless we are all abiding by the same rules, there is no real competition. Imagine a baseball game where the visiting team wins 10-0, and then the home team decides the real objective was to finish the game with the cleanest uniforms. The competition is false, because the rules are false, and everyone loses. (Brooks makes this without citing examples that seem obvious to me. But to his point, I’m probably blind to examples others see just as readily.) Like the IOC banning Russia from competing in the Olympics, rule-breakers may get away with cheating for a time, but they ultimately meet some form of shame and disgrace.

Here are Brooks’ five rules for fighting contempt:

1. Refuse to be used by the powerful. And be aware of the powerful on your side of the debate. He invites us to tune out (or tone down) those we don’t have direct contact with. Stop watching or reading if we’re not being taught something; simply being told things we already believe over and over is more harmful than helpful.

2. Escape the bubble. Ask yourself if you genuinely hear diverse viewpoints. Break out of the shackles of your political identity. Go where you’re not invited and say what’s not expected. (My own editorial: subscribe to Tangle. It’s one of the best, most impartial sources of news I’ve found in the last few years.)

3. Say no to contempt. It is the problem and never the solution. Stop eye rolling. Even if you believe the other side deserves it. Contempt is always harmful for the contemptor.

4. Disagree better. Be a part of the healthy competition of ideas. Disagreement is good because competition is good. Contempt shuts down the competition of ideas. Ideas are like the climate, politics is just the weather.

5. Tune out. Disconnect more from unproductive debates. Social media and ideologically siloed cable tv are causing tremendous problems. Unfollow contemptuous people even if you agree with them. You’re not learning anything new, and you’re just being taught to hate a faceless, generalized enemy you don’t actually know.

Brooks acknowledges that this 5^th point can feel counterintuitive. If we’re following politics, we feel the need to be aware of what’s going on. We believe that the only thing necessary for evil to triumph is for good people to do nothing. But here are a few things Brooks says we might learn from a two-week politics cleanse:

1. Politics is like a daytime soap opera. We can miss a few weeks without losing the plot.

2. We’ll see the outrage industrial complex more clearly for what it is: A bunch of powerful people who want to keep us wound up for their own profit.

3. Like any reformed addict, we’ll see how much time we are wasting and how much we are neglecting people and things we truly love.

READ IT IF: You are a Republican or a Democrat and think the other side is destroying America.